How the Grouch Stole Hinata
by Airyo
Summary: A silly SasuHina parody of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"


An: Too soon for a Christmas-sy story? But I say that SasuHina is always in season.

I tried to keep close to the original style of Dr. Seuss's poem. Of course, credit to the Dr. and Kishimoto.

Cover is also posted in my DeviantArt.

* * *

How the Grouch Stole Hinata

By Dr. Airyo

* * *

All the Leaf shinobi liked weddings a lot...

But Sasuke, who lived outside the village, did NOT!

.

How Sasuke hated weddings! It made him want to die.

Now don't ask him the reason; it's lethal to try.

.

It could be that his hair never spiked quite right.

Maybe his hitae-atae was tied on too tight.

.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

.

Whatever the reason, his heart or his hair,

he spied on Konoha with a smoldering glare.

.

He watched the bustle with a sour, grouchy frown

as shy Hyuuga Hinata twirled in a white gown.

.

Just the very thought of her had him seething...

To think she would be wed by tomorrow evening!

.

"They're trying on the rings!" he snarled with a sneer

"Tomorrow is the wedding! It's practically here!"

.

Then he growled, with his red Sharingan whirring.

"I MUST find a way to stop it from occurring!"

.

Naruto and Hinata will soon become wed...

Then that meant that night they will be sharing a bed!

.

The mental image made him feel rather sick.

In fact, he just developed a new facial tick.

.

And then, there are the NaruHina fangirls!

KYAAA! KYAAAA! KYAAAA!

That's one thing he realty hated most in the world!

KYAAA! KYAAAA! KYAAAA!

.

He knew many nin will shed a happy tear.

WAH! WAH! WAH!

They encourage NaruHina - his greatest fear.

WAH! WAH! WAH!

.

And worst of all will be the newlywed kiss!

EW! EW! EW!

How dare they demonstrate their gross nuptial bliss!

Just ...no. Sasuke's disgust grew and grew.

.

And the more Sasuke thought of the loathsome wedding

The more he decided, "I must stop this whole thing!"

.

"I've had years of NaruHina nonsense now,"

"I must stop this wedding from happening! But HOW?"

.

He thought of an idea, an awful idea!

SASUKE HAD A WONDERFULLY AWFUL IDEA!

.

"I know just what I need to do...ku ku ku..."

Sasuke gave a laugh just like Orochimaru's.

.

He readied all his paraphernalia,

to pull off this ingenious panacea.

.

Sasuke dressed himself in stealthy ninja black,

and grabbed storage scrolls, along with an empty sack.

.

Then he tied a bandana under his nose…

why the genjutsu master did this, no one knows.

.

With a Sasuke-ly 'hn' of satisfaction,

he set off to Leaf to put his plot in action.

.

Their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the nin were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.

.

He found it lonely no one could hear him boast

that he had snuck into the Leaf just like a ghost.

.

"Fools, they won't even know what hit them!" he hissed.

He slinked into the church with storage scrolls in his fist.

.

Inside, they had everything already set,

Sasuke cackled. This was his kind of kismet.

.

He ripped down everything that adorned the pews.

Anything in that blinding orange should be refuse.

.

The sparkly fabric! And the disgusting lace!

Without remorse, he set fire to the bouquets.

.

Then he took the bridesmaid shoes and dresses,

As well as the silk ribbons meant for their tresses.

.

Sasuke left nothing behind, not even a thread.

Certainly nothing to hide Sakura's forehead.

.

He used up all his storage scrolls far too quick,

but Uchiha Sasuke didn't stop there, the prick.

.

He slunk to the pantry to steal all the food -

even the ramen in his foul merciless mood.

.

(But he did leave behind all the alcohol,

in hopes that Rock Lee will start a destructive brawl.)

.

And Sasuke took the fish, he took the steak.

He even swiped the Akimichi wedding cake!

.

Then he shoved the food up the chimney with glee -

Naruto will be surely crying on his knees.

.

But as Sasuke set about his evil task

he thought he heard the sound of a soft, startled gasp.

.

He turned around and saw it was Hinata,

who was still dressed in her sleeping yukata.

.

She stared at him for a sad, silent moment.

Sasuke couldn't take the emotional torment.

.

So he Sharinganed the bride and took her too,

because he wasn't too sure what else he could do.

.

He scuttled back quick to his dark Sasuke lair,

but not before fixing his mussed Uchiha hair.

.

There was no need for such nervous vanity.

His lovely hostage kept on sleeping peacefully.

.

Success was easy with his great ninja strength,

but he felt wretched - it didn't make any sense.

.

So he tucked another blanket around her tight,

and creepily watched her sleep the rest of the night.

.

When rosy dawn touched the sky, she woke with a start,

She leaped away from him, clutching her heart.

.

Sasuke regarded her with a dark angry scowl,

of course, she would recoil from a kidnapper so foul.

.

But then Hinata smiled at him, sweet and shy,

and somehow Sasuke's mouth began to feel quite dry.

.

Her happiness was impossible to miss

and then, on his cheek, she laid a soft little kiss.

.

He forgot to breathe - he turned a strange shade of blue.

"I'm glad you're okay," she said. "We've all missed you."

.

"I'm waiting for you, if you want to return."

Sasuke shook his head - the thought made his stomach churn.

.

"You saved my precious peoples' lives during the war.

Your actions helped make sure Madara was no more."

.

"Just go back already," he said with a sigh.

"I don't want you here anyways." Though that was a lie.

.

"I'll love you for you," she whispered, "if you don't."

"If you think I'll stop after my marriage - I won't."

.

His mean thoughts she was beginning to impair.

Those soft lavender eyes made him far too aware.

.

Sasuke forced her to take the stolen decor.

He pushed her out before she made him question more.

.

So she walked away, her hair dancing in the breeze.

Annoying! Why does she cause him so much unease?

.

He couldn't understand how she could love him still,

when his past deeds made even him feel ill.

.

He thought about it for a long duration.

Finally, Sasuke reached a great revelation!

.

"Maybe, for love, I don't need to be guilt-free."

"Perhaps...Hinata DOES love me for me!"

.

And what happened then! Well...in the Leaf they say,

That Sasuke's small heart grew three sizes that day!

.

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

Sasuke rushed back to the church in the bright morning light.

.

He fixed his hair and ran to the blushing bride.

"Bastard!" But he just punted Naruto aside.

.

"Here's your ramen, Dead-Last. Elope with your feast."

It was a shock when the blond complied, to say the least.

.

The Aburame '...'ed, the Inuzuka cried.

The Yamanaka screeched, and the Nara sighed.

.

Never had a wedding been so badly flunked.

Worse, Lee and the Hokage were already drunk.

.

But the show must go on - they paid for the room.

So Sasuke - oh! - he volunteered to be the groom!

.


End file.
